Ask A Man 22 Nov

Ask A Man 21 Nov '24: 'My boyfriend just told me he has a wife.'

Anonymous says she met her partner about a year ago and says they got into a relationship, which anonymous says is her first relationship ever.  Anonymous says things have been going well in their relationship, however, she says before he could meet her family, he revealed to her that he’s actually married and wants anonymous to become his second wife.  Anonymous says there were no red flags and this confession hit her by complete surprise. Anonymous says their relationship has been amazing and she’s not sure if she wants to continue and become his second wife.  

Ask A Man 20 Nov '24: 'Is he really serious about me or was it all about the money?'

Anonymous says her and her current partner started working on businesses together early on in their relationship and things were generally ok until she realised that he would receive money from their clients and not be transparent with anonymous about the amounts as they were paid into his company.  Anonymous says her job at the time did not allow her to have side hustles, so they did business using his company.  Anonymous says they stayed together at her place because he couldn’t afford to pay for his own place but after the successes in the business he was upgrading his house without even speaking to anonymous about it.  Anonymous says after all this and some issues they had with their children, her partner told anonymous that he was moving back into his place and they would proceed to live in separate homes but remain a couple.  Anonymous says the relationship has faded since then, he’s tried to rekindle things but anonymous says she’s not sure and he’s also burnt bridges with her family through his treatment of her. 

Ask A Man 19 Nov '24: 'I Can't Lose My Ben-6'

Anonymous says she met a guy two weeks ago and they’ve been dating for 4 days. Anonymous says he’s in his early twenties, she’s in her mid-twenties, and things are going really well so far. Anonymous says her business is down the road from where the guy lives and a couple of days ago they got intimate with the guy which led to him arriving home past his curfew. Now his family has found out about their relationship and they are not happy. Anonymous says they now want the guy to move away from the area and she’s not sure what to do. She feels like she really likes him and doesn’t know if she should chat to his family about their relationship. Anonymous is also not sure if this is worth a fight. 

Ask A Man - 18 Nov '24: 'My partner mis-treated me when I was jobless.'

Anonymous says he’s been in a relationship with his partner for about 12 year, they have two children together and his partner came into the relationship with another child.  Anonymous says he lost his job during the pandemic, and got money from his workplace after being removed. Anonymous says he used the money to try and lobola his partner, but he eventually ran out of his savings and wasn’t able to complete the lobola. Anonymous says his partner became verbally abusive and wasn’t treating him right because he was unemployed.   Anonymous says he now has job, and she’s back to treating him right again. Anonymous is thinking of continuing with the lobola process but he’s not sure if he should continue with the relationship with his partner because of how she’s treated him in the past.

Ask A Man 15 Nov '24: 'Have my wife and I ruined our relationship for good?'

Anonymous says he’s been with his partner for 15 years and they’ve been married for 4 years.  Anonymous says his partner is quite fierce and stern and can be very independent within their relationship. Anonymous says one of the issues they are currently going through now is that he’s suspicious of her relationship with another man who’s even called her while they were at home together and caused a rift between them.  Anonymous says his wife is also very submissive when she’s speaking to this guy, but she’s hardly ever like that with him.  Anonymous is not sure what’s going on and doesn’t know if he should hold on to this relationship. 

Ask A Man 14 Nov '24: 'Worried I might return to my toxic ex.'

Anonymous says she was in toxic relationship for 3 years and says there was lots of infidelity amongst other things.  Anonymous says her partner made her very anxious with his antics and for the longest time she would leave him but then go back to him.  Anonymous says she has left him again now and it’s been more than a week of no contact with him but she’s struggling with moving forward and getting over him.  Anonymous is worried she might relapse and find herself going back to him again. Anonymous needs advice on how to let go of a toxic partner.

Ask A Man 13 Nov '24: 'Can we mend things after our separation?'

Anonymous says he’s been married to his wife since 2015 and they separated in 2019, but didn’t get divorced. Anonymous says during this time they had relationships with other people.  Anonymous says they got back together around August last year and they agreed to end things with the people they were seeing.  Anonymous says over the weeks he realised that a guy renting at one of their properties was his wife’s ex, from the time they were apart, he talked to her about this and they removed the guy as a tenant.  Anonymous says things seem to not have ended between his wife and this guy as the guy has even bought her an expensive gift. Anonymous is not sure if his wife is still romantically involved with this guy and how they can move forward from this.

Ask A Man 12 Nov '24: 'Second wife because I can't have children?'

Anonymous says she’s been in a relationship with her  partner for 4 years and earlier this year she had a miscarriage, following which, the doctor told anonymous that she won’t be able to bear children.  Anonymous says her partner started acting funny after this and months later she found out the guy had impregnated another lady to please his family and their cultural beliefs.  Anonymous says the family then told her that the pregnant lady will become the first wife, because she can bear children, and then anonymous can then become the second wife. Anonymous is wondering if she should stay in the relationship.

Ask A Man 11 Nov '24: 'I cheated on my current with my ex.'

Anonymous says months into his relationship with girl no.1, he realised that girl no.1 had been dating someone else when they met and this caused a rift in their relationship, even leading to him cheating on girl no.1.  Anonymous says they had a child which they thought would fix their relationship, but things didn’t workout and they broke up. Anonymous says 7 months after breaking up with girl no.1, he met girl no.2, but they broke up shortly after they started because of girl no.2’s relationship with the father of her child.  Anonymous says he and girl no.2 then reconnected and are still dating now, however, anonymous says he rekindled things with girl no.1 and they had sex twice and girl no.1 ended up telling girl no.2 about it.  This caused a problem between anonymous and girl no.2, his current partner. Anonymous says they haven’t really recovered from the infidelity and girl no.2 now wants to end things. Anonymous is not sure if he should fight for her to stay in the relationship.

Ask A Man 08 Nov '24: 'My boyfriend's other partner is back in town.'

Anonymous says she met a guy four years ago and says he had a partner when they started dating and they were in a long distance relationship.  Anonymous says their relationship has been great over the years but now the main partner is now back in the area which has affected anonymous’ relationship with this guy.  Anonymous says he’s not spending as much time with her as he used to and doesn’t know where she stands now that he’s no longer in a long distance relationship.  Anonymous says he still wants to be with her, however, she doesn’t know how to navigate this situation.

Ask A Man 07 Nov '24: 'My partner doesn't fight fair.'

Anonymous says she’s been with her partner for 8 years now and they have three kids together. Anonymous says her partner generally treats her well and things are generally ok.  Anonymous says the problem is when they have conflict in their relationship, she says he becomes verbally violent towards her and treats her terribly, including humiliating her publicly.  Anonymous says he also has a tendency to get upset at her when she’s out with friends, even accusing her of cheating, this with the backdrop of his own multiple infidelities. 

Ask A Man 06 Nov '24: 'Is my married boyfriend just not that into me?'

Anonymous says she met a guy at work during the pandemic and things were fine between them for about 6 months, but it changed when he became a bit distant towards her.  Anonymous says she then found out he had lied to her and was in fact  in a relationship with someone else who he had paid lobola for and also has a child with that person.  Anonymous says things faded from that point but the guy came back into anonymous’ life and explained that he wasn’t really with the other lady and was only with her because of the child they have together.  Anonymous says he keeps coming and going out of her life. She knows this behaviour is wrong but she loves him and doesn’t know how to get out of this. 

Ask A Man 05 Nov '24: 'My pregnant partner wants to move on with someone else.'

Anonymous says he’s been with his partner for 3 years and their relationship has been generally good.  Anonymous says six months ago his partner fell pregnant and as a result he ended up buying a home for them in order to solidify things between them.  Anonymous says recently his partner announced to him that she’s actually dating someone else and doesn’t want to be with anonymous anymore. She says the baby is anonymous’ baby but she wants to move on with someone else.  Anonymous says the other guy has now also called him and told him to leave his partner as it’s over between them.  Anonymous says he still loves her and doesn’t want to end things, he wants to find out what’s causing her to behave like this as he feels like their relationship was going well.

Ask A Man 04 Nov '24: 'My partner is terrible at communicating.'

Anonymous says her and her partner have been together for a year now and says at the beginning of their relationship her partner communicated frequently, but that changed a couple of months into the relationship.  Anonymous says he started not communicating as frequently as he used to and when anonymous confronted him about this he said he wasn’t losing interest, he’s just currently going through a lot. Anonymous says the communication has not improved and every time she brings it up he doesn’t really want to discuss the issue and tends to avoid this issue. Anonymous says there’s nothing indicating that he has someone else, so she’s not sure what to do.

Ask a Man 01 Nov '24: 'My partner is on and off'

Anonymous says she met a guy on a dating app early this year and says they hit things off immediately and proceeded to date.  Anonymous says things were fine for four months however anonymous says the guy suddenly switched up on her and eventually broke up with her saying she’s too much and she overwhelms him.  Anonymous says they broke up but a month later he just came back and wanted to be with her again without any real explanation of what went wrong.  Anonymous says they are now sort of back together but he’s not very present in their relationship.  Anonymous is not sure what is up with him

Ask A Man 31 Oct '24: 'He's supports me financially but not emotionally.'

Anonymous says she’s been with her partner for about a year and a half now and says he’s still married but separated from his spouse.  Anonymous says things were fine and when she lost her job he started taking care of her, and pays for her rent and groceries. Anonymous says he’s now changed on her, he ignores texts and and doesn’t want to talk yo her most of the time.  Anonymous doesn’t know what to do as she relies on him financially.

Ask A Man 30 Oct '24: 'How to tell my partner about my HIV positive status.'

Anonymous says she’s been in her current relationship for 4 months now and it’s going well. Her problem is that she’s not sure how to go about sharing her HIV positive status with him.  Anonymous says in the past when she’s shared this detail about her self, the guy left her and that’s why she’s scared of disclosing this to her current guy as she feels like their relationship seems like it could get serious. She’s worried that he might end things with her as well.

Ask A Man 29 Oct '24: 'My side wants to get married.'

Anonymous says he’s been with the mother of his child for several years and they’ve been going through a rough patch which he says has led him to having a relationship with someone else on the side.  Anonymous says he’s been with his side girl for 4 months and things have gotten a bit awkward between them as his side now wants to take things to the next level and get married.  Anonymous says he’s worried about this and is not sure if he should marry her as it’s early in their relationship and he’s also worried about breaking things off with the mother of his child. Anonymous says he’s also worried that she might be a bit controlling and might have anger issues based on certain events that have happened in their short relationship.

Ask A Man 28 Oct '24: 'She's moving on with my kids.'

Anonymous say he’s been in a relationship for 6 years things were fine until 3 months ago.  Anonymous says when he met the lady she wasn’t in good condition and she was on drugs. Anonymous says he then helped her and cleaned her up and she got back on her feet and went back to school.  Anonymous says they had a child together and around that time he met the girl’s parents but they were not happy for him to be with her because he’s Zimbabwean and they are Mozambican.  Anonymous says they are expecting a second child together, but things changed when he realised that she was cheating on him, but her family reacted violently towards him and she has now moved on to being in a relationship with someone else with their kids. Anonymous says he misses his partner and their kids, and doesn’t know what to do.