Ask A Man 8 Nov

Ask A Man 07 Nov '24: 'My partner doesn't fight fair.'

Anonymous says she’s been with her partner for 8 years now and they have three kids together. Anonymous says her partner generally treats her well and things are generally ok.  Anonymous says the problem is when they have conflict in their relationship, she says he becomes verbally violent towards her and treats her terribly, including humiliating her publicly.  Anonymous says he also has a tendency to get upset at her when she’s out with friends, even accusing her of cheating, this with the backdrop of his own multiple infidelities. 

Ask A Man 06 Nov '24: 'Is my married boyfriend just not that into me?'

Anonymous says she met a guy at work during the pandemic and things were fine between them for about 6 months, but it changed when he became a bit distant towards her.  Anonymous says she then found out he had lied to her and was in fact  in a relationship with someone else who he had paid lobola for and also has a child with that person.  Anonymous says things faded from that point but the guy came back into anonymous’ life and explained that he wasn’t really with the other lady and was only with her because of the child they have together.  Anonymous says he keeps coming and going out of her life. She knows this behaviour is wrong but she loves him and doesn’t know how to get out of this. 

Ask A Man 05 Nov '24: 'My pregnant partner wants to move on with someone else.'

Anonymous says he’s been with his partner for 3 years and their relationship has been generally good.  Anonymous says six months ago his partner fell pregnant and as a result he ended up buying a home for them in order to solidify things between them.  Anonymous says recently his partner announced to him that she’s actually dating someone else and doesn’t want to be with anonymous anymore. She says the baby is anonymous’ baby but she wants to move on with someone else.  Anonymous says the other guy has now also called him and told him to leave his partner as it’s over between them.  Anonymous says he still loves her and doesn’t want to end things, he wants to find out what’s causing her to behave like this as he feels like their relationship was going well.

Ask A Man 04 Nov '24: 'My partner is terrible at communicating.'

Anonymous says her and her partner have been together for a year now and says at the beginning of their relationship her partner communicated frequently, but that changed a couple of months into the relationship.  Anonymous says he started not communicating as frequently as he used to and when anonymous confronted him about this he said he wasn’t losing interest, he’s just currently going through a lot. Anonymous says the communication has not improved and every time she brings it up he doesn’t really want to discuss the issue and tends to avoid this issue. Anonymous says there’s nothing indicating that he has someone else, so she’s not sure what to do.

Ask a Man 01 Nov '24: 'My partner is on and off'

Anonymous says she met a guy on a dating app early this year and says they hit things off immediately and proceeded to date.  Anonymous says things were fine for four months however anonymous says the guy suddenly switched up on her and eventually broke up with her saying she’s too much and she overwhelms him.  Anonymous says they broke up but a month later he just came back and wanted to be with her again without any real explanation of what went wrong.  Anonymous says they are now sort of back together but he’s not very present in their relationship.  Anonymous is not sure what is up with him

Ask A Man 31 Oct '24: 'He's supports me financially but not emotionally.'

Anonymous says she’s been with her partner for about a year and a half now and says he’s still married but separated from his spouse.  Anonymous says things were fine and when she lost her job he started taking care of her, and pays for her rent and groceries. Anonymous says he’s now changed on her, he ignores texts and and doesn’t want to talk yo her most of the time.  Anonymous doesn’t know what to do as she relies on him financially.

Ask A Man 30 Oct '24: 'How to tell my partner about my HIV positive status.'

Anonymous says she’s been in her current relationship for 4 months now and it’s going well. Her problem is that she’s not sure how to go about sharing her HIV positive status with him.  Anonymous says in the past when she’s shared this detail about her self, the guy left her and that’s why she’s scared of disclosing this to her current guy as she feels like their relationship seems like it could get serious. She’s worried that he might end things with her as well.

Ask A Man 29 Oct '24: 'My side wants to get married.'

Anonymous says he’s been with the mother of his child for several years and they’ve been going through a rough patch which he says has led him to having a relationship with someone else on the side.  Anonymous says he’s been with his side girl for 4 months and things have gotten a bit awkward between them as his side now wants to take things to the next level and get married.  Anonymous says he’s worried about this and is not sure if he should marry her as it’s early in their relationship and he’s also worried about breaking things off with the mother of his child. Anonymous says he’s also worried that she might be a bit controlling and might have anger issues based on certain events that have happened in their short relationship.

Ask A Man 28 Oct '24: 'She's moving on with my kids.'

Anonymous say he’s been in a relationship for 6 years things were fine until 3 months ago.  Anonymous says when he met the lady she wasn’t in good condition and she was on drugs. Anonymous says he then helped her and cleaned her up and she got back on her feet and went back to school.  Anonymous says they had a child together and around that time he met the girl’s parents but they were not happy for him to be with her because he’s Zimbabwean and they are Mozambican.  Anonymous says they are expecting a second child together, but things changed when he realised that she was cheating on him, but her family reacted violently towards him and she has now moved on to being in a relationship with someone else with their kids. Anonymous says he misses his partner and their kids, and doesn’t know what to do.

Ask A Man 25 Oct '24: 'Can a side become a main?'

Anonymous says she’s started dating her current partner in 2012, they dated for a few years before breaking up.  Anonymous says 5 years went by and they started dating again and she thought he had changed but he hadn’t really as anonymous feels like he neglects her and doesn’t make time for her.  Anonymous says it’s disheartening because he makes time for everything and everyone else. Anonymous says she’s confused by his behaviour and doesn’t know what he wants because when she wants to leave he doesn’t want to let go of her.

Ask A Man 24 Oct '24: 'My partner wants me to have sex with her spirits.'

Anonymous says his relationship with his partner was generally fine in the four years they’ve been together until she went to initiation school in order to become a sangoma.  Anonymous says she’s back now and things aren’t the same when it comes to intimacy. Anonymous says his partner now requires more sex from him. Anonymous says they’ve gone from 3 rounds a night to about 9 rounds a night.  Anonymous says he can no longer keep up with this and it’s too much for him. Anonymous says he’s spoken to her about this but she told him that if they don’t do it the ancestors will be angry at him and he’ll have bad luck. Anonymous doesn’t know if he can stay in the relationship under these conditions, he’s tired and it’s affecting him at work.

Ask A Man 23 Oct '24: 'My step daughter is mean and it's affecting my marriage.'

Anonymous says she’s having problems with her step daughter, who’s her husband’s daughter, and doesn’t know what to do.  Anonymous says her step daughter has a bad attitude and is mean and rude towards her. Anonymous says her step daughter also goes around the neighbourhood lying to neighbours about her. Anonymous also adds that they have a 10 year age gap. Anonymous says she’s also confronted her husband about this but he doesn’t seem to be able to resolve the matter.  Anonymous says she doesn’t know what to do now as this situation is affecting her relationship with her husband, anonymous and her husband have two kids together. 

Ask A Man 22 Oct '24: 'My wife has been abusing me since I became disabled'

Anonymous says him and his partner have 2 kids together and their relationship was generally fine until he became wheel chair bound 6 months ago.  Anonymous says she changed on him and on one occasion she went out partying and he confronted her about that and it turned into a fight that turned abusive, anonymous says his partner beat him up, damaged his electrical wheel chair. Anonymous says he pressed charges against her for this and she was arrested. She now doesn’t live with anonymous and their kids anymore. Anonymous says she has now said to him that for them to get back together, and for her to fix his wheel chair and maintain their kids financially, he has to drop the charges.  Anonymous says he doesn't know what to do as he still loves her.

Ask A Man 21 Oct '24: 'What's the reason some men don't want a vasectomy?"

Anonymous says she’s been married for 18 years now and they have 3 kids with her husband and don’t want any more kids. Anonymous says after turning 40, she wants to get off the pill.  Anonymous says her and her partner have explored other birth control methods and the best one for them is for him to get a vasectomy but her partner is not keen and seems like he’s not interested in getting a vasectomy.  Anonymous says she doesn’t get why her husband  doesn’t want to get a vasectomy and wants a man’s perspective on whether she’s asking for too much.

Ask A Man 18 Oct '24: 'Was he only into me because he was broke?'

Anonymous says she has three kids and lost her partner  in 2021. Anonymous says she met a new guy while she was grieving and they started dating.  Anonymous says the guy was unemployed when they met and he moved in with her, and anonymous says she tried to help him get a job and he eventually got one last year.  Anonymous says the guy changed on her after getting employed and they were fighting a lot. Anonymous says he wasn’t communicating much with her but was busy chatting to other women on social media, something he’s been doing since they met. Anonymous says she’s never proven that things got physical with those women.  Anonymous says he’s emotionally unavailable, and he’s kinda on and off in their relationship.  Anonymous is wondering if his behaviour in the beginning was great because he was unemployed and whether she’s now forcing things.

Ask A Man 17 Oct '24: 'My partner has secret meetings with OUR friend.'

Anonymous says she feels like there’s a third person in their relationship. Anonymous says her and her partner have a mutual friend who is the person that introduced them to each other.  Anonymous says over the last year her and this third person drifted apart but she’s now realised that this friend and her partner have become closer. Anonymous says her partner now hides when he meets up with the friend and they even go on dates without her, which is something they used to do together.  Anonymous says there’s also been incidences where her partner comments on how good the friend is looking. Anonymous says she doesn’t get the sense that her partner is cheating on her with their friend and wonders if she’s just insecure and unreasonable about their relationship. Anonymous says she’s not sure what to do about this situation.

Ask A Man 16 Oct '24: 'Why is my love life messy?'

Anonymous says back in 2021 he was in a relationship and ready to get engaged to guy no.1, however around that time he met someone else, guy no.2,  in a club and they had a one night stand.  Anonymous says two weeks after the incident, he ghosted guy no.2 as he was confused and he continued with his engagement. Anonymous says a few weeks went by and he reached out to guy no.2 again and they eventually met, and during this meet up guy no.2 opened up about his HIV positive status and anonymous says that wasn’t a problem for him. Anonymous says he ended his engagement with guy no.1 and continued with a relationship with guy no.2, however things got rocky between them and anonymous found himself back on a hook up app which caused problems in their relationship. Anonymous says guy no.2 also had financial issues and that, and his own infidelity led to their break up in September last year.  Anonymous says they were not speaking for a while however reconnected, became friends and they even car pooled together in anonymous car to go to work and gym. Anonymous says he then started dating someone else and guy no.2 became jealous of the relationship and eventually anonymous says guy no.2 ghosted him after meeting another guy.  Anonymous says guy no.2 then returned and even seduced him despite the fact that they are now friends and have partners. Anonymous doesn’t understand why he’s still in this messy situation with guy no.2.

Ask A Man 15 Oct '24: 'I'm living at my controlling partner's place.'

Anonymous says he’s known his partner for 3 years and things were mostly fine until he faced some financial struggles.  Anonymous says he moved to another country overseas for work purposes, but when things didn’t workout, he made his way back to the country but had nowhere to stay. His things were at his partner’s home, and so the partner took him in to live with her.  Anonymous says in the time that he’s lived with her, she’s become controlling and doesn’t seem to have any regard for him or anything he has to say. Anonymous says he’s not surprised by this behaviour as she was a bit offish when it comes to communication while he was overseas.  Anonymous says he’s not sure if she should continue to stay with her.

Ask A Man 14 Oct '24: 'My partner wants to be with me but is also in love with his side chick'

Anonymous says she’s been in a relationship with the father of her child for 7 years and things were ok until earlier this year when she realised he was cheating on her.  Anonymous says when she confronted him about it he confessed that he was cheating and was in love with the other lady and he intended to keep seeing the other lady. Anonymous stuck around but eventually moved out of their place because of his affair.  Anonymous says they are now sort of back together and he’s treating her amazingly and their relationship is good, however, her partner still says he still wants to be with the other lady as well.